Secondary Infertility While Your Kids Are Growing Up

Halli Dance

It is so crazy watching your kids grow up. This is my baby, Halli. She is 5 and will head to kindergarten in a few months. She had dance pictures today and was in heaven.

After all of my losses, I feel like I definitely snuggle my kids a little tighter. I am always wondering if this one of those “lasts” moments. Last time they will want to hold my hand, last time she will proudly be telling everyone she is wearing my lipstick, the last time they want me to sing them to sleep, the last time Halli will want to wear matching dresses to church, etc.

It is a strange mix of emotions today. Those hard grief moments sometimes come out of nowhere. I ache for another baby and miss those babies we have lost. I want my kids to stay little, or at the very least have time slow down. Is there a pause button somewhere I am unaware of? But also, I am so beyond proud of them. A consuming amount of pride and love. My kids are getting big! I don’t have little toddlers anymore. They are little people with huge dreams, ideas, opinions, and are learning like crazy. It is so fun watching them grow into their personalities.

It is really hard to let go. I just want to keep them tight by my side and keep them safe in our little bubble. I know that they are going to do such amazing things in the world and I need to share them. I need to let them achieve all their dreams, and that can’t be done right by my side safely snuggling with me in their blankets.

I’m going to try and slow down, love more, make more messes, play on the floor, and sing them to sleep as often as I can in case it’s a “last.”

I’m going to do my very best to raise them into kind, confident, intelligent, good people. Babies don’t stay babies very long. My babies are growing up, learning, growing, and doing new things. …and so am I. 💕