I Am Brave, Strong, and Broken

I had a really great Mother’s Day yesterday, but it was also very bittersweet. I only cried a couple times at church and I didn’t have to leave early like I did last year. But today is hard again. Like really hard and maybe a little bit of a Mother’s Day emotional overflow. I’ve cried happy tears, and very broken tears today.

I keep trying to convince myself that I don’t need another baby. I am so happy with my family. I am so blessed. I have a 9-year-old and 5-year-old. I have BIG kids! I haven’t been in the “diaper bag” phase for a long long time.

Then it hits me. Hard. I ache for another baby. My heart aches. My empty arms ache. The grief of losing my ability to even try again without risking my life is heavy.

It is definitely all the feelings. I called my husband and cried. I called my friend who can empathize and we cried together. I’ve eaten an enormous amount of skittles. I have to rally and be strong for my kids and getting through the day. There is homework, dinner, and baths. Then at bedtime, after they are in bed I will probably break down.

I’m going to let myself feel all of it. Process it. Own it. Be kind to myself and then move through it. Tomorrow will be a new day.

Being brave, strong, and broken is going to shape me into the person, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend I was meant to be. The person God would have me be. ...but today, today just hurts.

And that’s ok...♥️

Does anyone have a favorite scripture, song, mantra, or quote that fills you with light or hope? Please share in the comments below. I would super appreciate it so I can read through them after my kids are in bed. 💕