A little something you should know about me is that I am a perfectionist, a planner, and a people pleaser. I am easily overwhelmed, and naturally anxious. It has never been easy for me to put myself out there.
After my second miscarriage and first ectopic pregnancy in 2016, I really felt strongly I should share my experiences. I could not, would not do it. The impression would come multiple times, and I would push it aside every time. I was too afraid! I kept having thoughts of: "Who the heck cares what I have to say?" "I am not a good enough writer." "It hurts too much to talk about and share about my lost babies." "Being vulnerable is way too scary!"
Fast forward to January 2018. I'm in the emergency room of the hospital for the second time in intense pain. Once again no one has any idea what is going on. Not doctors, not specialists, not the radiologist, not nurses, no one. It was like they were playing "Where's Waldo?" but with a pregnancy somewhere inside me. It was a surreal experience being told after an emergency exploratory surgery that I had another ectopic pregnancy. Recovery was excruciatingly painful, mentally I was in shock, emotionally and spiritually I was shattered. The only thought I did have had while healing was "write this down." Desperate to heal my heart and soul, I started writing.
Before my second ectopic, I use to say "no," a lot. For example, I was asked to make a birthday cake for some darling twins first birthday. The story I told myself was, "Nope..heck to the no way! I am not talented enough to do that." "I don't want to disappoint anyone." So I didn't do it.
While I was writing and healing from surgery the thought of sharing my experiences was even more at the front of my mind. I often prayed that if I could have opportunities open to me I would say "Yes!" and "I'll try." Something interesting happens when you start saying, "yes." As you say, "yes," and keep trying you get a rush of empowerment and more courage to say, "yes" more often. Then more opportunities come and you keep saying "yes!" Finally, I mustered up the courage to start The Four Hearts project and keep showing up. I make cakes, caramel apples, printables, cupcakes, and treats to sell.
Saying "yes" to things more often has honestly been life changing. Connecting with other women going through similar struggles that I am has been so rewarding. I love helping others feel peace, love, and less alone. Also, selfishly saying "yes" is also healing the shattered, broken pieces of my heart. There are still really hard days, but there are more good days than hard.
One of our family motto's is "We can do hard things." I can't tell you how many times I have told my kids this phrase, but I wasn't living it. After practicing mindfulness for a few weeks I realized how toxic my thoughts were. The story I told myself was I wasn't good enough to do hard things. That story was absolutely wrong. I believe fear, insecurities, and self-doubt keep us from being our best selves.
I have used the thought power of "Yes," "I'll try," and "I can do hard things," just this weekend. I put myself out there and asked my daughter's dance instructor if I could sell treats I had been making at the recital. She didn't have a need for recital treats, BUT she did need last day of class treats. 285 of them, all individually wrapped. The old story I would have told myself would have laughed and immediately said: "No, I can't do that. I am not good enough, talented enough, smart enough to do that." Instead, I said, "Yes, I can!" I didn't know exactly how it would go, but I said "yes" anyway. I researched different ways to package different treats, mini cupcakes vs cookies, how much it would take to make them, where I could get supplies, etc. We settled on Rice Krispie popsicles and they turned out adorable!
The results of turning down my negative and toxic thoughts, while also saying "Yes," "I'll try," and "I can do hard things," have been amazing! I have had more opportunities than ever before. If I don't know how to do something I study and try to figure it out. I am excited again to tackle the day. I accomplish more. I go to bed feeling more satisfied and fulfilled personally, as a mother, as a wife, and as a friend. I search out more opportunities, I put myself out there even if I think it's a long shot. As I do more good comes back to me.
This isn't just something that only works for me! You can do this too! Right now, today.
First, pray for opportunities to use your talents and abilities God has given you for good.
Second, be mindful of how you are talking to yourself. What stories are you telling yourself that are NOT serving you? Replace that negative self-talk and stories with "Yes!" "I'll try!" and "I can do hard things!"
Third, be uncomfortable. I have found that on the other side of being SUPER uncomfortable has had the biggest reward. I learn the most after being super uncomfortable and I gain more confidence to keep being more uncomfortable.
One of my favorite quotes from my girl Brené Brown says: "He or she who is willing to be the most uncomfortable is not only the bravest but rises the fastest!"
Fourth, get out there and do it! Don't look back. Just keep repeating "I can do hard things," breathe, and do it one step at a time.
You are beautiful and wonderfully made. Even if you feel broken, you have skills that only you can bring to the world. Be brave to try new things and I promise good will come back to you just like it has for me. You have the courage to say "Yes." You are strong. You are enough.
A little something you should know about me is that I am a recovering perfectionist, I thrive on being brave to say yes, and I love building a community of people to support each other. I am putting myself out there to do scary things, and I honor my emotions while moving through them. It has never been easy for me to put myself out there, but dang it I'm trying. ...and so can you! ♥️
