I am super independent. I am also a recovering perfectionist. It is a super neat combo 😂 I like to do things in a certain way by myself. I have always liked to be the one that GIVES help, but RECEIVING help was a hot no thanks.🙅🏼♀️
The past 2 years have made me seriously humble myself. After having multiple pregnancy losses I have never been in such a low and dark place. It felt like I had been shoved down a flight of stairs, in the dark, and I was laying flat on my back super hurt. I was broken. I needed time to figure out how to get my feet under me again to stand up. I desperately needed to ask for help.
The physical pain was so intense I didn’t really move for a few days. I needed meals brought in for my family, and people brought by lunch. We needed help with my kids during trips to the er, surgery, to recover, and check-ups.
I have asked to talk with church leaders about things I was struggling with spiritually. I reached out to friends who had been through similar experiences for help and receive empathy. Sometimes they just let me cry and that is all I needed. I went to my doctor for help because I was struggling with sleeping, PTSD, and depression. I was super open with my husband on how I was feeling and what I needed from him.
Asking for help is NOT a weakness! That is a big life lesson that has really sunk in this year. Again, ASKING FOR HELP IS NOT WEAKNESS! Helping people is such a gift and a talent, but being able to ask for help is also an important talent to develop. It takes courage to ask for help.
When life is too dark, too hard, and you feel weak, the bravest thing you can do is ask for help. People want to help! They want the opportunity to bless and strengthen those around them.
I know that one of the reasons why we go through trials and hard moments in life is so we can help answer prayers and be God’s hands. Let people do that for you! God might be trying to answer your prayers through someone else.
I want to help! Reach out if you ever need to vent, talk, cry, etc. You are not ever, ever alone.
What do you think is the hardest thing about asking for help?
She Remembered Who She Was & The Game Changed
It is the last day of National Infertility Awareness Week. I have been so inspired by all of the messages, videos, pictures, and stories everyone has shared. The biggest thing that keeps coming to my mind is this quote:
“She remembered who she was and the game changed.”
Who I am is NOT my challenges and trials. It is not my infertility. It is not my surgeries that have left me scarred. It is not my multiple pregnancy losses. It is not my PTSD and anxiety.
I am a wife, and a mother to 2 gorgeous children & 4 angel babies. I am a daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I am so super loyal. I love deeply. I am talented. I am a cake baker. I am a writer and speaker. I love connecting with people. I have value and matter. I am a daughter of God who has a perfect purpose for me.
I love that there was an opportunity to #FlipTheScript this week on infertility. We are all fighting tough battles, but we are stronger.
Who are you?! Leave a comment below!!!
Moving Mountains With Small Stones
Sometimes there are phases in life that seem more like a huge mountain to climb. I have no idea how I am going to climb that thing. It’s scary and huge. I know where I want to be… I want to be at the top, but with every step, it feels like I slide further down.
I have had many “mountain moments” in my life but right now infertility and my pregnancy losses are my “mountains.” It is so hard and emotional. I often question my self-worth and my purpose. I have no idea if we do IVF, or do we not? If we do decide on IVF how do we pay for it? How life threatening is it for me to be pregnant again? And so many other things to consider.
I realized that a huge success or a huge accomplishment never happens all at once. Isaiah 28:10 says “For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.”
Little steps and little consistent choices every day are going to get me where I want to be!
Here are some little steps/choices I have thought of to help get through infertility:
- Remember who you are. I believe we are all children of a loving and all-knowing God with a divine purpose. Praying, reading my scriptures, and participating in my church are all things to help me remember who I am.
- Learn! Learn as much as you can to prepare for IVF, or whatever treatment you are interested in.
- After you have all your information make a plan.
- Take one appointment and one small milestone at a time.
- Serve others, when I do this I often forget about my worries or they become easier to bear.
- Consistently write in my gratitude journal. (go back to see my post on this!)
- Keep building your talents and skills to help you be the best you. We are all here for an amazing individual purpose! It is our job to find that purpose and do our best to crush it!
- TREAT.YO.SELF! You’re amazing and doing great things. Be kind to yourself. Plan a fun date night or girls night. Buy yourself some ice cream. Take a hot bath with a bath bomb.
- Remember you’re doing better than you think you are and things will always work out for your good.
How do you take one step at a time to climb your mountains?
Gratitude Changes Everything
It had been a few weeks after my last ectopic pregnancy and I was a wreck, to say the least. I was angry, unbelievably sad, anxious, tears were always right under the surface, and I was grasping for understanding. One of my inspired church leaders gave me the advice to start a gratitude journal. I was a little turned off by the idea if I’m totally honest. How in the world could I find things to be grateful for right now when everything feels so dark and heavy? Regardless of my hesitation, I started… I kept a running list in my phone of random moments I was grateful for:
“I got a text reminding me someone is thinking of me.” “I got out of bed and accomplished things around the house.” “Hayden was extra snuggly today.” “It was beautiful outside so we went outside to play.” “A friend came to get Halli so I could rest.” “I laughed out loud at a text from a friend.” “I’m grateful we have Blue Bell ice cream in the fridge.”
Any little thing I wrote down. At night right before bed, I would write down at least three things where I saw tender mercies from my Heavenly Father.
This gratitude exercise was life-changing. Finding things in my day made the grief not feel so heavy. My anxiety wasn’t as crippling and at night I could sleep a little better. Having gratitude gave me lots of new perspectives so I could feel more moments of peace. I could see more moments where Heavenly Father was aware of me. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf has said, “We can choose to be grateful no matter what.” This experience helped teach me the power of gratitude! It is amazing.
So... find a journal, make a section of gratitude notes on your phone, or I did both. I promise it will help you no matter your situation. Your list doesn’t have to be very long. I only started with three things at first. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant the moments or things you are grateful for, I truly believe anyone can have the life-changing blessings of being grateful, and seeking out those tender mercies from Heavenly Father.
Start today! Practice gratitude for a week and see how it changes everything in your life. Then let me know how it changes you and your day.