Moving Mountains With Small Stones

Sometimes there are phases in life that seem more like a huge mountain to climb. I have no idea how I am going to climb that thing. It’s scary and huge. I know where I want to be… I want to be at the top, but with every step, it feels like I slide further down.

I have had many “mountain moments” in my life but right now infertility and my pregnancy losses are my “mountains.” It is so hard and emotional. I often question my self-worth and my purpose. I have no idea if we do IVF, or do we not? If we do decide on IVF how do we pay for it? How life threatening is it for me to be pregnant again? And so many other things to consider.

I realized that a huge success or a huge accomplishment never happens all at once. Isaiah 28:10 says “For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.”

Little steps and little consistent choices every day are going to get me where I want to be!

Here are some little steps/choices I have thought of to help get through infertility:

1. Remember who you are. I believe we are all children of a loving and all-knowing God with a divine purpose. Praying, reading my scriptures, and participating in my church are all things to help me remember who I am.
2. Learn! Learn as much as you can to prepare for IVF, or whatever treatment you are interested in.
3. After you have all your information make a plan.
4. Take one appointment and one small milestone at a time.
5. Serve others, when I do this I often forget about my worries or they become easier to bear.
6. Consistently write in my gratitude journal. (go back to see my post on this!)
7. Keep building your talents and skills to help you be the best you. We are all here for an amazing individual purpose! It is our job to find that purpose and do our best to crush it!
8. TREAT.YO.SELF! You’re amazing and doing great things. Be kind to yourself. Plan a fun date night or girls night. Buy yourself some ice cream. Take a hot bath with a bath bomb.
9. Remember you’re doing better than you think you are and things will always work out for your good.

How do you take one step at a time to climb your mountains?

Ways To Support A Friend Or Family Member Going Through Infertility

I have been really blessed to have great friends that have really helped me. They are like my earthly angels. I know it can be hard to know how to love and support someone that is struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss. Here are some ideas to help support those around you.

1. Be a really good listener.
2. Appropriate things to say:
   1. "I'm sorry."
   2. "I am always here if you need to talk."
   3. "What do you need?" or "What can I help you with?"
3. After asking what they need, follow through! Here are some ways to help:
   1. Bring flowers or a thoughtful gift.
   2. Offer to watch their older kids so they can rest.
   3. Go to difficult doctors appointments with them.
   4. Offer opportunities to get them out of the house. 
4. Bring lunch or dinner meals.
5. Allow them to talk, cry, or vent when they need and validate their feelings.
6. Be patient.
7. Support their decisions to either continue treatment or stop.
8. Keep checking in as weeks and months go by and let them know you care.

Flip The Script Video By Fertile Girl

I love love love this #flipthescript video by @fertilegirl for #niaw🙌🏻🎉💕While trying to process my emotions and grief my mind wanders to the thought of “everyone is pregnant and staying pregnant but me!” But as I have been trying to reach out to others I see how many women are also struggling just like I am. This video is amazing. Please watch!

Do you relate to this video???

Infertility 101

I had no idea how little I knew about infertility until I was facing it head-on. In case you are still learning about infertility, have questions, or trying to support someone else who is struggling with infertility here are some facts:

1. Infertility impacts 1 in 8 families in the U.S. Infertility impacts family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors.
2. Infertility is a medical diagnosis. It is a very real disease and there may be multiple factors of a family’s inability to conceive.
3. 7.4 million women, or 11.9% of women, have ever received any infertility services in their lifetime. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)
4. Approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained. (www.asrm.org <http://www.asrm.org/>
5. Approximately 85-90% of infertility cases are treated with drug therapy or surgical procedures. Fewer than 3% need advanced reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilization (IVF). (www.asrm.org <http://www.asrm.org/>)
6. Most people struggling with infertility receive no coverage from their health insurance. This inhibits many people being able to move forward to treatment to resolve their infertility. The lack of insurance coverage and huge out-of-pocket costs create large barriers to grow a family.

I wish I would have known these very real facts before I knew infertility would affect me so that I could have better supported those around me. Infertility is a medical disease and often a very lonely one. Let’s all love and support each other. We need to #FlipTheScript of infertility and start some conversations.

If you have more questions I would LOVE to have a Q&A about infertility or if you have any questions for me specifically. Ask your questions below!

Four Things I Have Learned About Infertility

-4 Things I Have Learned about Infertility-

1- HONOR YOUR FEELINGS: Infertility is so difficult. There are lots of tests, doctors, and decisions. Infertility can bring lots of emotions like: grief, jealousy, anxiety, anger, depression, fear, and overwhelm. Do not let yourself think you shouldn’t feel a certain way. It is ok to feel all of those hard, good, and sad emotions. Be aware of how you are feeling and what your mind and soul are telling you what you need. Feel them, be kind to yourself and move through them.

2- GET EMOTIONAL SUPPORT: A great way to help you work through all those big emotions is to find some emotional support. Find some good friends that you trust, that love you, and will help you honor and move through your feelings. Sometimes I have felt like I need a third party someone to talk to, but that could relate to me. I hope this Four Hearts Project will feel like a safe place to get emotional support. I am always hear to talk. Please DM, or email me any time! You are not alone!

3- BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE: I truly believe knowledge is power! Study about infertility, research to find the best doctor and specialists for you, learn about treatment options, etc. No one cares more about your fertility than you. Get a second opinion. Speak up and use your voice. You are your best advocate.

4- and most of all…. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE BRAVE. PEACE WILL COME.
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What would you add to this list that you have learned?