It is so crazy watching your kids grow up. This is my baby, Halli. She is 5 and will head to kindergarten in a few months. She had dance pictures today and was in heaven.
After all of my losses, I feel like I definitely snuggle my kids a little tighter. I am always wondering if this one of those “lasts” moments. Last time they will want to hold my hand, last time she will proudly be telling everyone she is wearing my lipstick, the last time they want me to sing them to sleep, the last time Halli will want to wear matching dresses to church, etc.
It is a strange mix of emotions today. Those hard grief moments sometimes come out of nowhere. I ache for another baby and miss those babies we have lost. I want my kids to stay little, or at the very least have time slow down. Is there a pause button somewhere I am unaware of? But also, I am so beyond proud of them. A consuming amount of pride and love. My kids are getting big! I don’t have little toddlers anymore. They are little people with huge dreams, ideas, opinions, and are learning like crazy. It is so fun watching them grow into their personalities.
It is really hard to let go. I just want to keep them tight by my side and keep them safe in our little bubble. I know that they are going to do such amazing things in the world and I need to share them. I need to let them achieve all their dreams, and that can’t be done right by my side safely snuggling with me in their blankets.
I’m going to try and slow down, love more, make more messes, play on the floor, and sing them to sleep as often as I can in case it’s a “last.”
I’m going to do my very best to raise them into kind, confident, intelligent, good people. Babies don’t stay babies very long. My babies are growing up, learning, growing, and doing new things. …and so am I. 💕
Sharing Your Stories - Lexi
My goal is to build a community and share lots of other people’s stories. Even if both people have had a miscarriage their stories are still different. My hope is that by sharing all different stories of loss and infertility we can all feel less alone and more hopeful…
This is Lexi, and she is the sweetest! She was also the winner of the “Be Brave” jewelry giveaway. I am so impressed by her strength and ability to keep putting herself out there every day despite her heartache. This is her story…
“I have been married for (almost) 4 years and we are blessed to have our beautiful little Ellie who is 2 years old. We started "trying" again in May/June 2017. In November I had no period but all negative test, it was the same thing again in December. At the beginning of January this year we finally got a positive. I was beyond excited!!! A couple of weeks later while at work, my world was quickly turned upside down as I started bleeding heavily. The next few days I did a lot of blood work to confirm my biggest fear…a miscarriage.
The day we told family we were pregnant was the same day we told them we were having a miscarriage. Right after getting the news my little girl had woken from a nap crying and all she wanted was me, her mom. I quickly wiped my tears away to help with hers. I got up and worked the next day and kept going with a normal life. My husband had his break down alone and was able to accept it better than me. I kept it together and told myself to be strong but at night I felt so empty, alone and so upset at my body. Some nights I still do.
The doctor just recently gave me a hormonal pill to help regulate my periods. I was supposed to start a period on day 6 and here we are days past it and still no period. Here is to hoping we can find some answers. I have never wanted to hold a baby of my own in my arms so badly!! Here I am a year later with no successful pregnancy or baby and some days I am broken. I squeeze my little one tighter and longer every day and show my gratitude daily to be her mom!”
@lexi_v_moore you are amazing! Thank you for sharing your story.
If you would like to share your story please email me!
Living In Abundance While Battling Infertility
Can we just talk about how much fertility treatments cost?! It is unreal. It can be so overwhelming how much test, medications, and even just a doctor visit costs!
We all have a story we tell ourselves about money, “There is never enough money,” “I could never afford that,” “I am not enough to have nice things,” etc. None of these stories that we tell ourselves serve us. I have been trying hard to change my mindset to live in abundance. When you live in abundance you believe that there is always more and there is plenty of money, love, attention, success, opportunities etc.
As I have tried to change my money story from scarcity to abundance, I first listed my talents, & then made a plan to do something with them. I really love to bake. So I have put myself out there in a vulnerable space to sell cakes. I have also been making gourmet caramel apples.
I have a really lofty goal to take my kids to Disneyland and Universal Studios and then come home to start IVF. I am so super grateful for all I have. I keep up on my gratitude general, but I know that I can be and do more as well.
My attitude has been completely different since switching my mind to live in abundance. I no longer tell myself things like “ugh IVF is so much! We will never be able to do that.” Instead, I tell myself something like, “There are so many opportunities out there. God has blessed me with skills and talents to grab those opportunities. I am going to hustle and work hard to get the things that we want and need.”
In a few weeks, I am going to launch an Etsy shop. I have so many great printables for y’all and cake toppers. It has been so much fun to do. Living abundantly has given me a sense of purpose and I have been able to be a better mom, friend, wife, etc.
I am obsessed with podcasts! I love them. @jodymoorecoaching has a podcast called Better Than Happy. It will honestly change your life. Listen to episode #113. She explains gratitude, desire, and abundance so beautifully.
Also, check my IG story to see an amazing video from women sharing their stories about the costs of fertility treatment.
Share your ideas! How have you saved money for fertility treatments?
Being Able To Ask For Help
I am super independent. I am also a recovering perfectionist. It is a super neat combo 😂 I like to do things in a certain way by myself. I have always liked to be the one that GIVES help, but RECEIVING help was a hot no thanks.🙅🏼♀️
The past 2 years have made me seriously humble myself. After having multiple pregnancy losses I have never been in such a low and dark place. It felt like I had been shoved down a flight of stairs, in the dark, and I was laying flat on my back super hurt. I was broken. I needed time to figure out how to get my feet under me again to stand up. I desperately needed to ask for help.
The physical pain was so intense I didn’t really move for a few days. I needed meals brought in for my family, and people brought by lunch. We needed help with my kids during trips to the er, surgery, to recover, and check-ups.
I have asked to talk with church leaders about things I was struggling with spiritually. I reached out to friends who had been through similar experiences for help and receive empathy. Sometimes they just let me cry and that is all I needed. I went to my doctor for help because I was struggling with sleeping, PTSD, and depression. I was super open with my husband on how I was feeling and what I needed from him.
Asking for help is NOT a weakness! That is a big life lesson that has really sunk in this year. Again, ASKING FOR HELP IS NOT WEAKNESS! Helping people is such a gift and a talent, but being able to ask for help is also an important talent to develop. It takes courage to ask for help.
When life is too dark, too hard, and you feel weak, the bravest thing you can do is ask for help. People want to help! They want the opportunity to bless and strengthen those around them.
I know that one of the reasons why we go through trials and hard moments in life is so we can help answer prayers and be God’s hands. Let people do that for you! God might be trying to answer your prayers through someone else.
I want to help! Reach out if you ever need to vent, talk, cry, etc. You are not ever, ever alone.
What do you think is the hardest thing about asking for help?
She Remembered Who She Was & The Game Changed
It is the last day of National Infertility Awareness Week. I have been so inspired by all of the messages, videos, pictures, and stories everyone has shared. The biggest thing that keeps coming to my mind is this quote:
“She remembered who she was and the game changed.”
Who I am is NOT my challenges and trials. It is not my infertility. It is not my surgeries that have left me scarred. It is not my multiple pregnancy losses. It is not my PTSD and anxiety.
I am a wife, and a mother to 2 gorgeous children & 4 angel babies. I am a daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I am so super loyal. I love deeply. I am talented. I am a cake baker. I am a writer and speaker. I love connecting with people. I have value and matter. I am a daughter of God who has a perfect purpose for me.
I love that there was an opportunity to #FlipTheScript this week on infertility. We are all fighting tough battles, but we are stronger.
Who are you?! Leave a comment below!!!