I have so many emotions surrounding Mother’s Day this year. I have had so many wonderful mothers in my life who have made a big impact on my life. My own mom especially is beyond amazing and I love her so much.
I am also so beyond grateful for my 2 beautiful children. They are my heart outside my body. I am so proud of them and love them so much. I am grateful I get to snuggle them and sing them to sleep every night. Their little hands in mine help heal my heart.
I am also aching this year. I am feeling my losses hard. I am missing my babies I never met, and the baby I would have had in just a few months. I am feeling the loss of unmet expectations and failed dreams. I am feeling angry that my body couldn’t do what it was meant to do. I am feeling anxious because I am not sure what is going to come next. Do we have more babies? Do we do IVF? I don’t know if I can mentally handle another ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage.
To the mom that is meticulously planning hormone injections, pills, doctor’s visits, and tracking your cycle I see you. I see your broken heart every time you have to drive by that “expecting mom” parking spot. I know what it feels like to get another baby shower announcement and be excited for them and sad for yourself all at the same time.
To the mom who is constantly thinking of the baby that you carried only for a few weeks and never met I see you. I see you trying to picture your baby’s sweet face and tiny features in your mind. I see you dreaming of what “could have been.”
To the mom who has small children and is beyond tired, I see you. I see you questioning if the work you are doing to take care of those small kiddos is enough. I know grocery trips are more like marathons, sleeping is non-existent, and every surface is mysteriously sticky.
To all of you, I stress that you are enough. You are doing so much better than you think you are. You’re amazing and strong. You are beautiful. Be kind to yourself and let others around you love on you!
What kind of feelings is Mother’s Day bringing up for you this year?
My Experience With Grief
I remember seeing this picture and thinking “YES! That is me. That is what my grief feels like!” I’m all over the place!
Most days I really am ok and happy. I get out of bed and I get after my morning, but everything feels heavy and hard today. I can feel my anxiety tight in my chest while my mind races. I think I could probably either scream or burst into tears at any moment. I wonder if it’s Mother’s Day coming up? I both love and dread Mother’s Day.
It’s only been a few months since my last loss and 2nd ectopic pregnancy that changed everything. I’m still healing and today is a grief day, and I’m reminding myself that’s ok.
I was struggling with what to share today but nothing was coming. There is just the grief. I’m sad, anxious, and tired. I had plans for what this Mother’s Day would look like. I would be in my third trimester. Now those plans are different, which is ok. Today is hard.
I’m trying to be super transparent and honest to help others know it’s ok to have days like this. Grief comes in waves. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere when you least expect it. Thankfully there is a tomorrow. Tomorrow has lots of opportunities to be better.
So if you’re having a hard grief day be kind to yourself! I’m sending you all the love! ♥️ Share below how you get through the hard days of infertility, pregnancy losses, and grief...Hopefully, we can all help each other.
6 Ways To Kickstart Your Morning
Sometimes just getting out of bed is a solid win for the day. Especially on the days when grief is especially hard, or your mind is full of all the things you need to do. If you are up and going already you are already killing it today. Go you! If you need a little kick start to your day here are some things that have been helpful for me.
1- Don’t hit snooze! ⏰ That snooze starts a vicious cycle for me. Too often it’s “ok just 5 more minutes” but then times 12. 😬 You have two choices right when you wake up in the morning. Hit the ground running orrrr roll back over. I have noticed a huge difference when I immediately get out of bed.
2- Pray. 🙏🏻 I go pretty much right to my knees when I wake up. It really sets the tone to start my day. I thank my Heavenly Father for my another new day with new opportunities and ask for help to do at least one thing He would have me do. I pray for my kids and husband and anything else that we might need for the day.
(*Pause* Get my kids breakfast, lunches, and off to school🥞🥪👧🏼👦🏼🎒)
3- Drink some warm lemon and honey water.🍋Warm lemon water is so good for your gut, it’s a good detox first thing in the morning, and an immunity booster.
4- Read my scriptures.📖I love to drink my warm lemon water first thing in the morning while studying my scriptures.
5- Eat breakfast!!!🥛I am not a big breakfast eater. I often just grab a protein shake, or a green smoothie (google Kimberly Snyder’s Glowing Green Smoothie!).
6- Play some sweet tunes!! 🎶 Music really helps me get my morning going. My kids also love it. I will share my Spotify “Good Morning” playlist in the link tree on my bio.
BONUS: I also really love having an affirmation for my day, or the week depending on what I feel like I need. I can do another post on this if there is interest but for example my affirmation today is “Everything works on my behalf. New possibilities are available for me.” ♥️
I finish getting ready for the day, do some yoga or go for a walk, and then get some work done before I pick my daughter up from preschool.
Good morning! Summer is sooo close!☀️
How do you kick off your mornings?
Secondary Infertility While Your Kids Are Growing Up
It is so crazy watching your kids grow up. This is my baby, Halli. She is 5 and will head to kindergarten in a few months. She had dance pictures today and was in heaven.
After all of my losses, I feel like I definitely snuggle my kids a little tighter. I am always wondering if this one of those “lasts” moments. Last time they will want to hold my hand, last time she will proudly be telling everyone she is wearing my lipstick, the last time they want me to sing them to sleep, the last time Halli will want to wear matching dresses to church, etc.
It is a strange mix of emotions today. Those hard grief moments sometimes come out of nowhere. I ache for another baby and miss those babies we have lost. I want my kids to stay little, or at the very least have time slow down. Is there a pause button somewhere I am unaware of? But also, I am so beyond proud of them. A consuming amount of pride and love. My kids are getting big! I don’t have little toddlers anymore. They are little people with huge dreams, ideas, opinions, and are learning like crazy. It is so fun watching them grow into their personalities.
It is really hard to let go. I just want to keep them tight by my side and keep them safe in our little bubble. I know that they are going to do such amazing things in the world and I need to share them. I need to let them achieve all their dreams, and that can’t be done right by my side safely snuggling with me in their blankets.
I’m going to try and slow down, love more, make more messes, play on the floor, and sing them to sleep as often as I can in case it’s a “last.”
I’m going to do my very best to raise them into kind, confident, intelligent, good people. Babies don’t stay babies very long. My babies are growing up, learning, growing, and doing new things. …and so am I. 💕
Sharing Your Stories - Lexi
My goal is to build a community and share lots of other people’s stories. Even if both people have had a miscarriage their stories are still different. My hope is that by sharing all different stories of loss and infertility we can all feel less alone and more hopeful…
This is Lexi, and she is the sweetest! She was also the winner of the “Be Brave” jewelry giveaway. I am so impressed by her strength and ability to keep putting herself out there every day despite her heartache. This is her story…
“I have been married for (almost) 4 years and we are blessed to have our beautiful little Ellie who is 2 years old. We started "trying" again in May/June 2017. In November I had no period but all negative test, it was the same thing again in December. At the beginning of January this year we finally got a positive. I was beyond excited!!! A couple of weeks later while at work, my world was quickly turned upside down as I started bleeding heavily. The next few days I did a lot of blood work to confirm my biggest fear…a miscarriage.
The day we told family we were pregnant was the same day we told them we were having a miscarriage. Right after getting the news my little girl had woken from a nap crying and all she wanted was me, her mom. I quickly wiped my tears away to help with hers. I got up and worked the next day and kept going with a normal life. My husband had his break down alone and was able to accept it better than me. I kept it together and told myself to be strong but at night I felt so empty, alone and so upset at my body. Some nights I still do.
The doctor just recently gave me a hormonal pill to help regulate my periods. I was supposed to start a period on day 6 and here we are days past it and still no period. Here is to hoping we can find some answers. I have never wanted to hold a baby of my own in my arms so badly!! Here I am a year later with no successful pregnancy or baby and some days I am broken. I squeeze my little one tighter and longer every day and show my gratitude daily to be her mom!”
@lexi_v_moore you are amazing! Thank you for sharing your story.
If you would like to share your story please email me!
