Bringing awareness to pregnancy loss and ectopic pregnancies is something I am really passionate about. I never want any woman to feel as alone as I did. I have had 2 ectopic/tubal pregnancies. Both pregnancies were really scary, traumatic, and life threatening. Both times I needed emergency surgery and my left fallopian tube has been removed. I am still recovering mentally, & emotionally from my experiences. An ectopic pregnancy was one of those “it will never happen to me” things I had listed in my head, but when it did it was devastating.
An ectopic pregnancy is when a fertilized egg implants outside of the uterus. Most often ectopic pregnancies are in a fallopian tube. Ectopic pregnancies are also sometimes called tubal pregnancies. A fertilized egg CANNOT survive and grow outside of the uterus.
Only 1 in 50 or 2% of pregnancies are ectopic.
50% of all ectopic pregnancies happen for unknown reasons.
An ectopic pregnancy is considered a medical emergency since it can damage nearby organs and can cause life-threatening blood loss.
Symptoms can include pelvic pain, mild cramping on one side, vaginal bleeding, nausea, weakness, dizziness, & low blood pressure. If the tube has already ruptured, a mother may show symptoms of shock.
Ectopic pregnancies are diagnosed using a combination of ultrasound and blood test. An ultrasound is used to show where a pregnancy is located. Blood tests are taken 48hrs apart. Low hCG levels, or hCG levels that rise in an erratic pattern, suggest an ectopic pregnancy.
o prevent complications, treatment is needed. In the early stages, medications may be sufficient. Later stages require surgery.
If a woman is able to get pregnant after an ectopic pregnancy, there is at least a 10% chance of having another ectopic pregnancy. If she’s had two ectopics, the recurrence rate is 30%.
Grief after an ectopic pregnancy is normal. I know I have grieved both the loss of my babies, but also the fallopian tube that needed to be removed. If you have had an ectopic pregnancy know you are not alone. There is hope, and you can find peace again.
If you have questions or an experience with ectopic pregnancies please share below...
Healing Spiritually Through Infertility & Loss: Part 1 - Feeling Abandoned by God
A big part of who I am is my spirituality, my relationship with our Heavenly Father, and the Savior. I know we are all children of God. God loves and knows each of us personally. We were sent a Savior so we could be saved, have comfort in all things, and return to live with our Father and families eternally. However, this year I have never felt more broken, abandoned and forsaken. In previous times of trial, I have felt carried to higher ground to be able to heal. After a year and a half of infertility, to finally be pregnant, and then lose my fourth baby along with my ability to safely be pregnant again I have felt so alone. I have sobbed while on my knees in prayer begging for relief, had the feeling of overcoming despair, and grief becoming more like a dark place I could not climb out of.
Then anger began to set in. Where was God? Where was He now that I needed Him most? For weeks I retreated and isolated myself. At the counsel of inspired church leaders, my husband, and friends I slowly started being brave to move forward. To keep trying regardless of my broken pieces and blindly stumbling to stand again.
The more I kept taking tiny steps forward, the more the "abandonment" felt like more of an opportunity. This was a time my faith could be perfected. I could be strengthened and slowly start polishing out my rough edges. I was not going to let this one moment, this one situation define who I am. Infertility does not define me, and God was teaching me just who I could become. I still ache and yearn to be a mother again, but I have more empathy now than I ever have had before. I feel like I can deeply relate to those other women and couples who have walked the trenches of infertility and loss. I can lift those going through grief. I understand exactly what that feels like and can more personally mourn with those that mourn.
Slowly I could see the hand of God in my life. He had been there all along and little moments of hope would come in. I actively started looking for Him in my life. Sometimes it came from a simple text from a friend. Even weeks, and months later I needed to know someone was thinking of me and would not judge me if I said, "I am struggling today." Sometimes it has come from little thoughts and impressions. For example, starting to act on my talent of baking has been a huge blessing. Not only has it provided some extra income, but it has been a better healthy way for me to take a break from my grief and focus on something else. Starting this Four Hearts Project has been such a meaningful way for me to heal. It has also been so powerful meeting a community of women who have felt and thought similar things that I have. There must be "opposition in all things," and because I have felt forsaken, grief, pain, and loneliness I have also been able to feel pure joy and relief.
One of my favorite scriptures right now is:
The entire 24th chapter of Isaiah is close to my heart, but this scripture has especially resonated with me recently. Even when grief and loneliness are consuming and it feels like it has lasted a lifetime, in the big eternal perspective it is really only a "small moment." God will never withhold blessings from his children. Not only will he not withhold them he will prepare "great mercies." He is merciful, kind, and has a pure love for us. He will comfort, He will lift, He will succor, and He will give more blessings than we could ever hope for.
I am still working on growing my faith. Somedays the weight of infertility is still too much, but as I actively seek my Heavenly Father and the Savior I am able to move through the grief, have courage, and wake up to a new day with new blessings, and new opportunities for good.
Up next: Part 2 - Angels Around Us
Letting Go...
I love this quote… It is one I have referred to often. What if I am gripping so hard to my own life plans that I am preventing better plans from coming? I know that by struggling to hold onto them it is preventing me from moving forward and being stuck in grief. What if what if all the trials all the loss, all the experiences are to get me somewhere better? I’m trying really hard to let go, be still, and wait. I am already seeing huge blessings and opportunities. I am excited for what could be next.
Can you relate to this quote? How have you been able to “let go?”
Sharing Your Stories - Viann (A Brave New Ending)
I am so inspired by connecting with other women and hearing your stories. Your stories of loss, grief, struggle, success, and love are so amazing. Viann is from Houston, Texas. I relate to her story so much. As I was reading it I kept thinking "me too! I know that feeling." Viann is so strong and filled with love. She is a warrior fighting to grow her family. I love how she always turns to hope and is looking to the future with faith. I know you will love her and her story...
"Our long and bumpy road of infertility began 9 years ago. After numerous tests and failed treatments, IVF was our only hope of conceiving. In 2015, the procedure was successful. Early in the twin pregnancy, one of our embryos stopped developing, however subsequent ultrasounds revealed a strong heartbeat with the second. Our prayers had finally been answered and our dream of having a child was becoming a reality. At nearly 10 weeks, the doctor uttered the words no one ever wants to hear, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”
Overwhelmed with grief, and so many other unnamed emotions, the months and years that have followed haven’t been easy. No one is ever really prepared for how to cope with loss. It’s not something that is taught in school and in most families, not discussed openly. Men and women grieve differently and we would soon learn, these strong emotions began to manifest in different ways.
In the months prior to IVF, I made it my mission to prepare my body for pregnancy the best I could. It was almost like training for a marathon. My regimen included an anti-inflammatory diet and numerous vitamins and supplements. I felt strong and hopeful and started a blog to share my journey and encourage others struggling to conceive.
Soon after the loss, that feeling of hope began to fade. Between the IVF medications, and miscarriage, the hormonal rollercoaster was unrelenting. I no longer felt I had a reason to focus on my health. There was nothing to look forward to and feelings of apathy set in. Not sure how to help me through this emotional struggle, my husband did the best he could to be supportive and loving, while dealing with his own feelings of grief. He often found solace in lone fishing trips and spending time with nature.
Three years later, drawing strength from our faith in God and each other, the healing process continues to be a work in progress. Anyone who has experienced loss will tell you it changes you. We soon realized this life changing event was stressful on our marriage. Communication has been key and we are both learning how to lean in to the pain and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest about our emotions with one another.
By reading and studying emotional resilience, grief and loss, we have started on a new path of healing by embracing and reckoning with the painful scars that infertility has left behind. Facing a lifetime of childlessness, we are rumbling through the middle of the messy emotions. Grief has no timeline and no one really knows how long the rumble will last.
While life hasn’t turn out the way we had planned, we are hopeful for the future. We are learning to flip the script and write a brave new ending. One where it’s okay to be sad and joyful, to grieve a painful loss and embrace the wonders of life with gratitude and most importantly, together."
I love the idea of a "brave new ending." It is heartbreaking and life-shattering when life doesn't go as planned. I think it is so powerful how Viann honored her emotions. She let herself feel all of them, including gratitude! She is taking it one day at a time and being brave to find a new ending that I know will be perfect for her and her beautiful family.
Walk of Hope 2018
It is my birthday week! 🎉🎂 I turn 32 this Friday the 25th. To celebrate my birthday I have lots of great things planned… I will be sharing more of my story and experience with pregnancy loss, infertility, and ectopic pregnancy. There will also be a few really fun giveaways. So make sure you follow me on Instagram and turn on your post notifications so you don't miss a thing! ☺️
I also want to share that my family and I are participating in the “Colorado Walk of Hope.” It is a 2-mile fun walk for all ages! The purpose of the walk is to recognize there are many ways to build a family, to empower others through education, and it brings the infertility community together so no one in infertility walks alone.
The funds raised from this walk help support education programs, and advocacy for women and men with infertility. The funds are critical to support RESOLVE (The National Infertility Association) programs be available to those that need them.
If you are a Denver local come join our team for the walk! The walk is June 23rd at 9 am. It is free and easy to register for and will be a great event for the whole family. There will be great activities for all ages, you can meet local businesses, get health & wellness advice, walk 2-miles to raise awareness & pick up lots of free goodies. My team's name is “Four Hearts Project.”
If you are not local and can’t join our team please consider donating to our team as your birthday gift to me. ;) Even $1 is powerful, I have a goal of raising $200. Thank you for helping me reach it! RESOLVE is an organization that has become super important to me. RESOLVE has helped me find resources, and educate myself about my new infertility diagnosis.
Go HERE for my “Walk of Hope” team page. There you can join our team or donate.
I really appreciate you and your support! Have a great week and be ready to party with me!