The Power of Affirmations: Help Healing Through Infertility & Pregnancy Loss

In 7th grade, my home economics teacher would always make us say, "It's a great day to be alive," before starting class. I remember thinking that saying this daily affirmation was super strange, weird, and anything but cool. My class repeated "it's a great day to be alive," with as much vigor and excitement as you have when you go to the dentist for a root canal.

Affirmations have now been a huge part of how I move through infertility, my grief, and trauma from my multiple pregnancy losses. If only I could help my awkward and insecure 13-year-old self to realize how powerful affirmations can be!

Look back on your day... How many times did you talk to yourself? What did you say? Was it kind, hopeful, or empowering? Our mind is constantly thinking and that self-talk shape our attitudes, how we process our emotions and move through our lives. 

I quickly realized my self-talk was taking me down a swirling drain. I kept circling in darkness, and not moving anywhere. Once I started to become aware of my thoughts I could change the story I was telling myself. Affirmations don't take away the emotions of grief, confusion, anxiety, and depression, but affirmations do help me move through them. Affirmations have helped me not be so angry with my body that I felt like had failed me. Affirmations have helped me stay present instead of being terrified of the future, stay in a place of gratitude, grow my faith, and feel more peace. 

My affirmations sometimes change daily, or weekly, & some I cling to for months. Write them on post-it-notes to cling to your mirror. Add them to your phone screen. Say them aloud repetitively. Use them in morning meditation. Write them in your journal. Put them somewhere you can see them and think of them often, and especially first thing in the morning. Pray for the ability to let go of thoughts that no longer serve you. 

Here are 4 affirmations that I use to help me stay grounded & heal. Which ones resonate with you?  Screenshot them to use as your background, tag friends below, or share them to spread some light! ✨

Growing Into Something More...

“...There are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were - better than what we were, more understanding than what we were, more empathetic than what we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.” -Thomas S. Monson, “I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee,” October 2013

This talk was exactly what I needed today, you can watch or read it HERE if you're interested. 

To be totally vulnerable and honest, there are times I have not only felt alone and wondered “why me?” but have felt forsaken. Loss after loss. Fail after fail. Shoved past my limits. It all felt like too much and I was broken.

I think often we don’t talk about those really hard and dark emotions because we feel ashamed and guilty for having them. You wonder if you’re the only person who has felt like that and if only you had more faith like so and so. I guarantee you’re not alone. I have felt all of those powerful and damaging emotions. You do not need to have shame or guilt over anything you feel, but you also don’t need to give it power over your thoughts and life.

Now being a little further down the road I still stumble, but I try to let go of thoughts that don’t serve me. Especially the ones from shame. Then I try to replace those thoughts and stories I’ve been telling myself with affirmations focusing on peace, hope, focus, strength, etc. I know that a loving God never forsakes His children. Our trials are opportunities. Opportunities to be “more” and “better!”

From heartbreak, grief, loss, trials, and struggle we are able to grow into something better than we ever could have hoped to be. 🌱

Drowning vs Swimming

This morning I mentioned to my husband sometimes it feels like I’m drowning. Drowning from grief. Drowning from trying to be a great mom this summer. Drowning at things I think I should be accomplishing. #recoveringperfectionist 🙋🏼‍♀️😬

He immediately said, “You’re swimming.” ...his short & to the point response was honestly irritating at first, which he could tell by the look on my face. He went on to say “You’re in the middle of the ocean. You want to be comfortable on the beach, but you’re not right now. That’s ok. You aren’t drowning. You’re swimming to where you want to be. Every day you try and keep going doing your best is you swimming.”

Mind-blown. 🤯 Ugly tears. 😭

I thought his insights were so powerful. It reminded me of the scriptures. Isaiah 43:2, 4 & the first part of verse 5:
“2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
4 Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.
5 Fear not: for I am with thee”

We are swimming through our challenges we have and most importantly we are NOT doing it alone. Through it all Christ is always there with us. We are so precious to Him & He loves us perfectly. He will always help us carry on when we feel like we cannot.

“Just keep swimming...” -Dory 🐟 (and my husband) 😊

What do you do to “keep swimming”every day?

Healing Grief & Pregnancy Loss Through Uncomfortable Learning

I’m trying hard to get out of this emotional rut I’ve been in. Grief definitely comes in waves... I can be good for a long time. Great even. Then out of no where. Boom. I’m swallowed whole by grief and anxiety. Has anyone else felt like that?

Sleeping has been a struggle recently and when my sleep is bad everything else is a million times harder. Has anyone else had a problem sleeping after pregnancy loss or infertility?

My natural instinct, while I’m grieving, is to retreat. I become a homebody and usually cry a lot. It’s not pretty. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’m trying to take some really amazing advice from my girl @brenebrown. To get out of this rut I’m putting myself out there into things that are uncomfortable. For example...Talking openly about my story and losses. Writing. Growing my business to save for IVF. Trying new things. Learning new skills.

I am also participating in the Walk of Hope here in Colorado this weekend. I am so excited and also anxious to participate. I haven’t ever been apart of an event like this before. I’m excited to come together as an infertility community and have a fun morning with my family.

So here is to being really, super, crazy uncomfortable so that I can learn, move through my grief, and be stronger. 💪🏻

(If you are also going to be at the Walk of Hope this Saturday look for me! My family will be there in black shirts with my heart logo on it. ♥️ Come say hi! If you would like to donate to the walk all the money goes to @resolveorg to help support, educate and empower those fighting infertility. You can donate HERE. Even a $1 is huge! Thanks so much.)

New Places In Our Heart...

Have you ever experienced heartbreak? I am talking a knock you over, life-shattering, struggle, and heartbreak. The experiences that make you cry out in despair “why me?!” or “when will this end?” The despair hurts too much and we would do anything to get rid of the suffering. Nothing can really describe that type of heartbreak. When your cries don’t even qualify as a sob, but whatever is past sobbing….

My own heart has been shattered every time I have realized I’m losing another baby. Or when I have woken up from another emergency surgery to find out “the worst case scenario” did actually happen.

The struggle of infertility and pregnancy loss is so heavy and consuming. I would not wish that kind of despair on anyone. But what if… What if that kind of deep suffering is to help us grow and be more than you ever could have imagined? So that we can bring new places in our heart into “existence.” 

Those new places can offer more love and more empathy. The suffering lead us to make more friendships and have more meaningful relationships. The new places can hold more kindness, and more strength to do things that were once too difficult.

I am still in a place where I am not fully thankful for my suffering. It still feels way too raw and difficult most days. …but I am at least hopeful that the suffering Léon Bloy describes, will bring new places of my heart into existence, and that is a giant win for this phase of my journey. 

I would love to hear what you think of this quote by Léon Bloy. Have you felt new places in your heart form from suffering?